Focusing Forward

IMAG0639

About this time five years ago, I started a blog. It wasn’t meant for the public, however some posts were not hidden. I went through some major life changes and that blog captured snapshots of what I was thinking, reading, and doing. I am not a very consistent writer, but I do generally (eventually) get back to it. I genuinely enjoy being able to go back and read what I’ve written, what I was experiencing at that point, what I was pondering. That blog captured some very painful and sensitive moments, memories that even yesterday I wasn’t able to read out-loud to my partner because I started crying. But the one thing that I realized as I went back over a few years of scattered, random blog posts is that I was focusing forward. Like a “this sucks, but I am going to do x,y,z and tackle it”.

Reading those old posts made me proud of myself for being the person that I am. I don’t think I was realizing what I was doing while I was doing it. I think honestly I was in a survival mode: “I have to do this for myself, my sanity, and so I can put food on my table and pay my rent.” It wasn’t easy. There were definitely days I wanted to hide under my covers and not have to show my face at work that day, wanting to dwell on the past, drink hot chocolate, and binge-watch Netflix. There were days where I second-guessed my job choices, my friend choices, or whether I really should have spent those precious $4 on a Starbucks coffee.

But now looking back, focusing forward is what got me through those times. I was telling myself “Next time I’ll do it this way”, “Now I know…”, or “I have (event) coming up next week”.  It’s fine to make the next hurdle you are facing the one you put your heart and soul into, as it’s a stepping point to where you need to eventually go. Yes, my blog talked about the boyfriends I should never have dated, and the company I should have left two years sooner, but all of it got me to where I am now, and that’s good. All the positives and negatives came together as learning experiences. I’m proud of the forward looking, forward focusing “me” that I was 5 years ago that has ended up making me the person I am now. My take-away is as follows:

Sometimes you will need to weave a little bit on the forest path to come out to the waterfall, or spring, vast panorama, or sometimes just the simple unique forest flower that is just a little bit further down the trail. It’s okay, just keep focusing forward.

Photo credit: Me. 🙂 Taken in Makawao Forest Reserve, Maui, Hawaii on October 5, 2014.

Optimistic

IMG_1055I’m feeling optimistic about my current job search. I’ve had acouple of interviews under my belt, a couple more scheduled. I have references ready, and am getting better at articulating what I’m looking for in a position, as well as explaining my previous job experiences and skills. Today I got the letter in the mail from the unemployment office advising me that I’m eligible to receive unemployment benefits, and the check has been cut and is on it’s way.  I also recently had an idea and went out and bought a spiral-bound notebook so I can jot down pertinent interview information. I’m going to try to keep in next to me this weekend, so when I have a question I want to ask a potential company during an interview, I’ll have all the questions handy, as well as the interviewer’s name  and contact info. I love my lists and writing important ideas and tasks down helps me keep focused and on track. 

I can’t say that I’m not enjoying being able to sleep in a bit every morning. I enjoy not having many time pressures, or work stresses. But currentlyI’m working on networking, building relationships, and finding new friends. I know my next job is out there. I know someone will be glad to hire me, and I’m excited to soon be able to put my skills and experience to use, and hopefully gain new ones. 2014 is going to be a great year!

Photo: Taken by me at Pittock Mansion Jan 2014