Balance

My sister starting her own blog/diary reminded me that I’ve been doing terribly at updating this. I enjoy writing, and while I often think I don’t have much important to say, I have to remind myself that one doesn’t always need to say the important things. The little things matter as well.

It is all about balance. Weighing what is important in one’s life. My new job has been a challenge to balance over the past 3 months. It has been intense. Besides one coworker, every other coworker including the management staff of 3 have either moved, given notice, or been promoted. There’s been new hires, and a changing of the guard so to speak. I haven’t been 100% happy with everything, I’ve come to realize that the equilibrium is slightly off. With a slower season approaching, part of myself is hoping that it rights itself, but part of me isn’t sure this is going to end up being my career path. I will say I’ve never worked with so many amazing people. And I still support the company 110% – even to the point of probably saying I can’t imagine ever renting from a different company. They have shown me how important excellent customer service is to me, and vital ways to make sure that it stays in the forefront of everything they do.

My bf and I are also trying to find balance in other ways. In healthy living for example. We are slowly adjusting ourselves to going to bed earlier, waking up earlier. Eating healthier, not drinking as much. I’ve lost 10-15 lbs in the last few months, mostly because of this job and the fact that I’m on my feet, constantly running around. I’ve never worked harder or longer hours.

So it’s not all bad, but not all good either. Finding the balance has been tricky.  I’m not even convinced that finding the balance is not solely changing one’s actions, but it can also be changing one’s mindset. For example, I always thought I’d have a desk job for my career. But I’ve come to realize I enjoy movement in my work. It’s kept me active, helped me lose weight, and I feel so much better about myself. And when I do get a chance to sit down at a desk for computer work, I enjoy it that much more.

So here’s to balance, and trying to find out who I am and who I want to become!

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A Homeschool Alumni’s Hope

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Every parent wants what’s best for their child(ren). They invest countless aspects of themselves and their freedoms in order to raise their offspring. It is a natural feeling to want to protect them and wish them the best, and have a grand idea of how you hope your precious children will turn out. I get it. I was raised in the homeschool movement were we were taught that we were going to be the movers and shakers once we became adults. Our parents hoped we’d be positive impacts for our future employers, in our community, and in the world. I personally was homeschooled all the way through my senior year. I am proud of being a homeschool alumni.

There comes a time, however, when we come adults. Our parents have little to no say on the person we choose to be, or how we choose to live our lives. They hope we follow the line they’ve drawn in the sand. When we don’t – we hope they understand, many times it’s not because we don’t love them anymore, it’s because we’re all individuals. We’ve found our own path. I was not the most obedient daughter, my infant nick-name “Birdie” proved to be quite apt as I was a bird – and I frequently flew off – not always in the direction my parents wished. My mom wrote this a few years back about me: “We would tell her to stick with us and she would for a while, but then would venture off again.” No, I know I’m not the person they originally hoped I would be. However, they are proud of the person I am. They’ve grown and changed just as I have. They were the ones who helped me be who I am. They had “given me the tools” for life as my parents often remarked.

The reason I’m writing this is homeschool alumni (particularly Homeschoolers Anonymous) have been raising their voice. There have been abuses that have gone on in our lives, and we do have a right to blog or post or tweet about them. I get that it’s easy to try and dismiss us – we moved out of your house a few years ago, we were children then and weren’t allowed to talk-back. It’s not, however, being disrespectful if it’s telling our story. It’s not being rebellious when we find a scandal and try to have it addressed by those who were involved. Sweeping allegations under the rug, avoiding the tough questions, or ignoring us is not how you taught us to be. You are the ones who raised us. We are adults and we have a voice. We ask you listen to us. If we express that you have harmed us in someway – apologize. Take responsibility. We want reconciliation, we want those relationships restored.

Trust me, we want to share the joys, the sunny days, the happinesses in our lives more than the storms. But we all should face those storms irregardless of whether we want to or not. Do you have the courage to help us make this a better world?

Photo credit: me

Focusing Forward

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About this time five years ago, I started a blog. It wasn’t meant for the public, however some posts were not hidden. I went through some major life changes and that blog captured snapshots of what I was thinking, reading, and doing. I am not a very consistent writer, but I do generally (eventually) get back to it. I genuinely enjoy being able to go back and read what I’ve written, what I was experiencing at that point, what I was pondering. That blog captured some very painful and sensitive moments, memories that even yesterday I wasn’t able to read out-loud to my partner because I started crying. But the one thing that I realized as I went back over a few years of scattered, random blog posts is that I was focusing forward. Like a “this sucks, but I am going to do x,y,z and tackle it”.

Reading those old posts made me proud of myself for being the person that I am. I don’t think I was realizing what I was doing while I was doing it. I think honestly I was in a survival mode: “I have to do this for myself, my sanity, and so I can put food on my table and pay my rent.” It wasn’t easy. There were definitely days I wanted to hide under my covers and not have to show my face at work that day, wanting to dwell on the past, drink hot chocolate, and binge-watch Netflix. There were days where I second-guessed my job choices, my friend choices, or whether I really should have spent those precious $4 on a Starbucks coffee.

But now looking back, focusing forward is what got me through those times. I was telling myself “Next time I’ll do it this way”, “Now I know…”, or “I have (event) coming up next week”.  It’s fine to make the next hurdle you are facing the one you put your heart and soul into, as it’s a stepping point to where you need to eventually go. Yes, my blog talked about the boyfriends I should never have dated, and the company I should have left two years sooner, but all of it got me to where I am now, and that’s good. All the positives and negatives came together as learning experiences. I’m proud of the forward looking, forward focusing “me” that I was 5 years ago that has ended up making me the person I am now. My take-away is as follows:

Sometimes you will need to weave a little bit on the forest path to come out to the waterfall, or spring, vast panorama, or sometimes just the simple unique forest flower that is just a little bit further down the trail. It’s okay, just keep focusing forward.

Photo credit: Me. 🙂 Taken in Makawao Forest Reserve, Maui, Hawaii on October 5, 2014.

Passionate work

I’ve felt that I’ve been at a crossroads with regards to my employment for at least the last two years. Now I’m a millennialist, I have my bachelor’s degree, and I’ve had a full-time job for 5+ years, at my current job for over 3. But I haven’t gotten anywhere, despite all my efforts. There’s been little “awards” and “achievements” along the way, just enough so I have kept on slogging it out, day in and day out, in the hopes that “one day” I will be seen good enough to be promoted.

However, I’m not happy with that, I’m not a person that likes mediocrity and complacency, and to just “put up” with what I have to do to get through another day, another week, another year at a job that is supposed to be allowing me to challenge me, fulfill me, and require all my passionate energies. I have no idea what I want to be doing, well, I have hunches. I’m a talented, well-liked, intelligent individual with a passion to always be learning and a desire to help people. But what do I want to learn? How do I want to help people? That I don’t know. I’ve been watching quite a few Ted.com videos… they challenge me, inspire me. I am going to make a change. Don’t know what, where, or how. But I want to do it.

From different sources, I keep hearing the same mantra: Find passionate people, learn and ask questions, and find out what makes you “buzzed”. Part of this blog is that I hope it helps me discover who I am, what I can do, and where my passions are. I haven’t really explored that, and I am excited to get started. So – my very few readers that I have, follow along, help me, critique me – but I don’t want to settle for mediocrity. I want to find a job I can feel passionate about. A place where I am excited to go to work every day, my coworkers are excited about their work and the opportunities it provides, and that supports me living the life I want to experience outside of the workplace.